Are You REALLY Leading With Your Gifts When You Think You Are?

I’ve been holding out on you… and I’m sorry about that.

A few weekends ago, I attended a shadow retreat. Which may sound strange but it was so powerful. “Shadow work” as you may have seen it called, is basically asking what is blocking your ability to receive THIS. “This” being whatever it is you feel like should be in your life but it isn’t.

It’s called “work” because it’s really hard to accept full accountability for the good AND the bad in our lives. Really hard, right? It’s easier to think “I’m doing everything I possibly can and this just isn’t working” rather than, “Am I somehow blocking my ability to receive good things?”

No one wants to think we would block our own success. And on a conscious level you wouldn’t, of course. But those darn fears!!! Don’t they come from strange places and interfere???

Well… that’s why I love and hate shadow work.

I want to believe I’m trying my hardest and that if things aren’t working out it’s beyond my control. That feels a lot better to me.

BUT, I also feel I’m here for a reason and not fulfilling my purpose, or dying with the music inside me as they say, is scary enough to make me push my boundaries and forget about comfort.

So that’s why I packed a bag, headed to San Diego with 10 other women to explore my shadows and get even more experience working with this specific shadow deck of cards that I use.

What I wanted to know in this time of reflection, was why people weren’t understanding how helpful my Soul Writing Magic digital program is. I mean I woke up every day for at least a month and a half, meditated, and then brought through the information in what I can only describe as the most vivid downloads I’ve ever received which was the culmination of 10 years as an Intuitive Writer gaining that knowledge. But marketing it has been a challenge. I took weeks to work on a landing page to connect people to the program and I had a few sales, but not the 10’s of 1000’s I had pictured in my mind.

Rather than think that I heard wrong, or that I hadn’t had the intense channeling experience for the course, I started asking myself those questions. “What am I not allowing?” And man, I was hit with some truth through the cards and also through other participants in the workshop.

I learned that I wasn’t directly saying “I will help you be a better intuitive writer.” Instead, I was talking about the Soul’s voice, which is a key component, but I wasn’t truly waving my freak flag and saying “This is what I do.”

I often leave out the part of my story where I discovered I am a medium when I decided to write my book and how my house became frighteningly haunted. The majority of my intuitive writing journey has been learning how to have strong energetic boundaries, figure out who the heck was talking in my head in voices that sounded like mine, be a clear channel, and manage the scary truth that I can hear spirits and even see them. The seeing them was so scary for me I asked not to see them. So I can hear and feel and sense them – but I choose not to see them (the one I saw did not look like what I thought any spirit would look like!).

So when I say, “Hey, by the way, you need some strong energetic boundaries when you do automatic or intuitive writing,” I‘ve been saying it casual because I know fear attracts fearful things.

But really I should be shouting “Hey! If you go the frick down this path of intuitive writing, before you even know you’re an intuitive writer, you need this information like NOW!”

I’ve been sugar coating my insight, which makes it hard for you to connect to me if you are in a place where you are starting to have the same realizations I had starting a decade ago.

What I’m learning, and really letting sink in, is that when we hide from our gifts and when we hide our gifts from others, it makes it REALLY hard to shine.

And then we sit here wondering, “Why aren’t people understanding what I’m saying?”

You may realize, like I did, that people weren’t understanding what I was saying because I wasn’t really saying it. I was making it pretty and wrapping it up neatly in a bow.

I was telling myself it was because I didn’t want to freak you out and make you fearful because what if you were then too scared to write (there’s been plenty of times I was scared to write). I didn’t want to do that because intuitive writing is the most valuable tool I have in my toolkit, not only for writing but I heal the energy in my house, for my family and friends, and co-create my journey with the universe – all through writing. I release obstacles, call in healing options, you name it – through writing!

I feel called to write and connect to others to share information and when I don’t write spirits keep me up ALL NIGHT LONG with words going through my head. I mean it, I get so tired when that happens and can barely function the next day.

But I haven’t been honest with myself or you to admit that I’m a medium. It’s scary for me to say that. My mediumship abilities came through writing, surprised me, scared the crap out of me, but also gave me a much more fun and meaningful life. I didn’t expect to be a medium and now I know we all have these abilities to the extent that we allow ourselves to own it. Even if it’s being a medium for your own higher guidance from your higher self only.

I wouldn’t change it for the world so it’s time that I own it. So that people can finally understand what the heck I’m saying and why it’s important for people with this gift of Intuitive Writing to understand what they are doing and with whom they are doing it. How to connect in a CLEAR way, have a good strong energetic boundary, and understand that a majority of the interference, sadly, is us and our own energy.

Which is why I opened myself up to receive messages from shadow and then support the part of me that wants to reject the insight because it doesn’t feel warm and fuzzy (so much easier just to say “that’s not true!”).

From now on I’m going to be honest with you because it’s time to be honest with myself.

As I was lying in bed the past few nights trying to sleep but hearing the words for this post going through my head over and over louder and louder, I just had to admit that I can’t hold back anymore. There’s no reason too that I can think of.

I know that when I show up completely and own my power it helps you show up and own your power. Even if the process to get to that point is often messy and ugly and then we do it again the next time we expand and again for the next upgrade.

Because that’s where the good stuff is. Those moments when you feel so comfortable in your own skin and know that you are fully aligned.

Worth it!

Am I right?

What about you? Are you REALLY sharing your gifts with the world? Are yours hiding or FULLY out there?

I’d love to know…

In the comments.

XOXO,